where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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