Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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