you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
