I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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