Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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