i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
