One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The power of my boobs compel you
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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