never play flip cup with pint glasses
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize