I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
