Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
