They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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