i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
