Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
