As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize