Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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