No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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