smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She's JV to your varsity
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
