i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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