I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
