i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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