Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
