I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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