I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
