Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
