My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
