I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
