i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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