i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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