So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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