Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
