Having a random hookup so left but love u
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
