I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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