You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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