Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
