was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
