Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
