two words: eviction party
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
