Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
