cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
