So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
