3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
