Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
