My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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