Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it glows. i had to have it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
