Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
