She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
