Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
