Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
