how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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