I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
