There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
