Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
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I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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