my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
