Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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