I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
