I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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