My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
