And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Duck Duck Cougar?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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