So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
