They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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