This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
