do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
