The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Shame is for Republicans.
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