I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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