I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
