i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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