I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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